How to run a kangaroo court for your team
· 6 min read
A kangaroo court is a fines meeting with a sense of theatre. It works brilliantly, and it goes wrong in one specific way, so here is both.
The short answer
A kangaroo court is an informal mock trial where a sports team hears charges against its own players and the squad votes on whether each one is guilty and what the forfeit should be. The format needs a judge, a written charge, a short defence from the accused and a squad vote, and it only stays enjoyable when the forfeits are small and nobody can be charged twice for the same thing.
What it is, and what it is not
A kangaroo court is a mock trial. Somebody is charged with a daft offence from the season, they get to defend themselves, and the squad decides. The verdict carries a forfeit, usually a fine into the kitty.
What it is not is a mechanism for dealing with an actual problem. If a player has genuinely upset someone, that is a conversation between adults, not a charge read out to a room. Clubs that blur those two things end up using a comedy format to handle a real grievance, and it never ends well.
The roles you need
- A judge. Runs the session, keeps it moving, has the final say. Should be chargeable like everybody else.
- A clerk. Writes down the charges and the verdicts, because nobody remembers them by the next morning.
- A prosecutor, optional but much funnier. One person who reads the charges with some commitment.
- The accused. Gets a short defence, and that defence is where most of the laughs actually come from.
- The jury. Everybody else in the room.
How to run the session
- Collect charges in writing beforehand so nothing is invented on the spot in the heat of it.
- Read the charge. One or two sentences, no speeches.
- The accused answers. Thirty seconds, timed, and they are allowed to simply plead guilty for a laugh.
- The room votes. A show of hands is enough, majority carries.
- The judge sets the forfeit from your agreed list, not from imagination.
- The clerk records it. Next charge.
The four rules that keep it fun
- One charge per offence. The same incident cannot be brought by three different people for three fines.
- Forfeits come from a pre agreed list. Improvised punishments are how this format gets clubs in trouble.
- Nobody can be charged in their absence. If they are not in the room, it waits.
- Anyone can decline a forfeit and pay the fine instead, with nothing said about it.
What to charge people with
The best charges are specific, trivial and from genuine memory. Being three minutes late to a match everyone else arrived at an hour early. Claiming an assist that the whole squad watched go in off a defender. Telling the group chat the pitch was waterlogged from the comfort of a car park two miles away.
The worst charges are vague, personal, or about something that actually hurt somebody. If a charge needs a disclaimer before it is read out, it is not a charge.
Running the vote between sessions
The limitation of a court night is that everyone has to be in the same room. Most squads never are, which is why Fine Club has a Kangaroo Court built in: a fined player appeals, the charge goes to the whole squad, and everybody votes on their phone over the next day or two. The verdict stands either way and the fine doubles or disappears.
It means the format works across a season rather than once in May, and the quiet players vote as loudly as the loud ones, which changes who wins.
Common questions
What is a kangaroo court in sport?
An informal mock trial run by a team, where players are charged with daft offences from the season, defend themselves briefly, and the squad votes on the verdict. The punishment is normally a small fine into the team kitty.
Who runs a kangaroo court?
A judge appointed for the night or the season, supported by a clerk who writes down the verdicts. A prosecutor to read the charges is optional and makes it considerably funnier.
What forfeits should a kangaroo court use?
Small ones, agreed in advance and written down. A fine into the kitty, carrying the kit, or buying the first round all work. Anything involving drinking, removing clothes or that a player cannot decline is initiation behaviour rather than a forfeit.
Can you hold a kangaroo court online?
Yes, and it solves the main problem with the format, which is getting everybody in one room. The Fine Club app runs it as a squad vote on a single appealed fine, so the court carries on across a season instead of happening once a year.
Run your fines in the app, not a notes app
Fine Club keeps your rulebook, the pot and the leaderboard in one place, so nobody has to chase a pound by hand. Free on iOS and Android.